The Perfect Race

Rick sad.

Or to put it in a somewhat more descriptive manner, I am a bit down about having had to miss the IMT Des Moines Half Marathon on October 16. A key reason for my somber state of mind is that this is one of my favorite races. With the course meandering on relatively flat paved trials and roads through parts of downtown Des Moines, Water Works Park and around Gray's Lake, the course typically inspires first-rate performances. Given its popularity, a sizable and enthusiastic crowd is a given. As races go, this one functions like clockwork with plenty of volunteers and water stops. It's not a perfect race, but considering everything it has going for it, a year is a long time to wait for it to return.

On that note, if this isn't a perfect race, then what is? What would I consider to be the "Perfect Race"? That's the topic of today's blog.

Before I invite you to join me on a plunge into this speculative sea of possibilities, let's establish a few caveats.

• This is about the race - not the outcome. The focus will be on the event itself. How I would do in this race is another topic.

• I'm limiting it to central Iowa. Don’t get me wrong. I know there are a multitude of wonderful places to hold a race. But since I'm not looking at travel costs, we're sticking closer to my home.

• Let's assume there will be a race director. They'll make certain that there's a legion of volunteers, markers at every necessary location, water stations with people who forgive runners who miss the trash cans and enough porta potties to appease a small town.

• This is my "perfect race". It will be based on what I find most appealing in a race. That may or may not be what you appreciate most. That's part of the fun of a subjective exercise such as this. As I'll indicate later, I'm definitely interested in your thoughts on what you would consider the "perfect race."

With that out of the way, let’s have some fun. What follows is what I’d want to be part of the "perfect race."

Have a Cool Name. Don't overthink this part. Simple and to the point. Make it too long and it looks cluttered on a t-shirt as well as taking too long to post on social media. Unless there's a dazzling acronym in it, I'd limit the name to no more than five words. Capital Pursuit. Bix 7. Dam to Des Moines. Those immediately come to mind as good examples. If nothing else, the name of the community works. (Which is another reason I'm keeping my home state of Oregon out of this. Not when they have communities called Drain, Glide, Riddle and Boring. Ouch!)

Scheduled for the Best Possible Running Weather. With the wild roller-coaster that we call seasons in the Midwest, if we want to avoid blizzards, twisters, subzero wind chills, subtropical heat and/or bolts of lightning, our options are limited. The best chance to avoid being subjected to the insane whims of Mother Nature, there's a window of about a week in mid-May or mid-October. And that's no guarantee either.

Present Several Different Distance Options. While my default is almost always a half marathon, this "perfect race" is going provide other options. Since Des Moines doesn't offer that many 10-kilometer races, that distance would definitely be included. Add to that a 5K. Why no marathon? Simple. I've never run one before. As a result, no matter how I would do in a half marathon, I'd feel intimidated by everyone who ran twice as far as me. (I'm going to have to talk about why I've never ran a marathon in a future blog.)

Provide a Scenic Course. No “out and back” on a straight, boring highway nonsense. This race will start in a downtown where parking is not an issue. The "perfect course" for the "perfect race" will then take runners on a tour of that particular community, with a park or two and perhaps a landmark thrown in for good measure before letting everyone finish where they started. If that includes a respectable hill or two to provide character, so be it. But let’s keep it on pavement or a paved path. No offense to trail runners - you’re all stronger and better individuals than me. I'm just too worried about tripping over a root or having my face swatted by a pitch-soaked pine branch.

Furnish Great Swag. I'm thinking of an eye-catching t-shirt if the event is in May or a snazzy long-sleeved top if it’s in October. Along those lines, let's keep the medal simple and under ten pounds. And to accentuate that this is a "perfect race," provide free sample of Picky Bar's Double Dip Coco Granola. Let everyone else become as addicted to it as I am.

Include at least 1000 of my closest friends. I prefer larger races to smaller ones. Partly for the competition. Partly because they tend to be better organized. But the main reason is that the more people in a race, the more energy and enthusiasm shared between all participants. Even if all that gusto fuels a healthy number of speedsters who blaze past me in that final 200 meters.

Offer Both an Awards Ceremony and Easy Exit. Call this having your cake and eating it too. In my "perfect race," participants could pick up their results and any winnings immediately after the race. That's out of consideration for those who can't stick around for one reason or another. But for those of us who can, there will be an awards presentation at a nice microbrewery (that offers a tasty Scotch ale!) with gift certificates from a really cool athletic store awarded to the top three overall male and female winners in each race. From there, medals will go to the top five in each age group for each race. And to keep things interesting, there will be a drawing for three additional gift certificates from that same really cool athletic store to be drawn at the end. Oh, and did I say that part of the race bib would be a tag for a free beer?

Give Out Food Worth Running For. One of the few downsides to the Bix 7 is that their food options are limited to the cheap, packaged junk donated by whomever. That's not going to happen here. Not in my "Perfect Race." Rest assured that we'll have bananas, oranges, assorted juices and water. And because this is my event, there will be chocolate milk and scones! All kinds of scones. Raspberry. Blueberry. Cinnamon Apple. Brown Sugar. Even Cranberry-Orange. You'll thank me later.

Let There Be Photos. In this perfect imaginary race, there will be a multitude of photos taken of every runner at various intervals during each race. Quick pics ranging from fun, engaging smiles and waves during the early portions to determined grimaces on that final hill to weary, exhausted visages taken during that final quarter mile.

Deep breath. There's my "perfect race."

That was fun! With that out of my system, what about you? What would be your “Perfect Race?” You can respond in the comments below or on Facebook. I'm looking forward to what you have to say!